It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
even my farts smell like vagina
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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