We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
