Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
