im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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