Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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