She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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