Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
