she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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