Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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