worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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