she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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