I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
They have beer where we have blood.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
