I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I am one with the molecules
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
