I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
