we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
