it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
