i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
