? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She said her name was "party"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
