Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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