I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
