Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
