also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
