Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
