I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
