he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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