Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
