apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
