Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
