what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
