life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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