I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Someone signed my nipple.
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