I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
