also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
