Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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