THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
