Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
