She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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