i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
