What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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