all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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