some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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