I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
