I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
