You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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