I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
