I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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