The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
