how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
