dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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