go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
