Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
