fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
