please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
