did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize