how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
