What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ladies don't puke and tell
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
