HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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