i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
