I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
