he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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