I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
