I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He shit in the fireplace
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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