I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
