She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
