I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
