Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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