yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
