Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Randomize
