I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
