So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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