been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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