So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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